On People Pleasing…

Are you the kind of person who’s always saying “yes” to requests when you secretly mean, “Heck, no?”

Do you apologise for things that aren’t your fault?

And, here we go, do you suppress your desires or even totally normal “negative” reactions because you’re worried somebody might not like them?

If you’re nodding your head, then let’s chat about this “people pleasing” tendency. That’s the completely common behaviour of trying to anticipate what other people want from you so you will make them happy, even if it’s at your own expense.

You might accept a party invitation when you really want to go home and relax.

Or, more seriously, you might erode your efforts to build healthy habits like exercising regularly and eating right – just because you’re worried someone else might object.

Do you sometimes want to prepare a healthy meal but anticipate someone in the family will complain – so you end up ordering pizza instead?

These kinds of decisions – this pattern of thought and action – can really undermine your efforts to bring your dreams to reality. So, let’s look at some ways to stop “people pleasing” to get further along our chosen path.

1. Backstory: Experts say this tendency usually comes from upbringing. As a child, you relied on others for everything, so you wanted them to be happy with you. Sometimes that goes too far and sticks around too long. Become aware of your tendencies, but don’t blame yourself for them. 
2. Trust Your Gut: When your inner voice is saying, “I’m just not feeing this,” LISTEN TO HER! Learn to spot the tendency when it starts. You know in your gut when you want to do something – and when you don’t. 
3. It’s Not All About You: It’s nice to be included in things like parties, but remember perspective here: The event’s success is not your responsibility. They’ll have a good time with or without you. So, please yourself and let go of the self-torture.
4. No Excuses: Be honest and simple. “No, thank you” is a complete sentence. So is, “Not this time.” You don’t have to invent an excuse or share a legitimate reason. This is YOUR space.
5. Boundaries Equal Freedom: Communication is key, since no one’s a mind-reader, right? Don’t assume others know your plans or desires. If your partner asks for that pizza, remind them that you’re not on that path anymore. And in some instances, people simply ask too much. Either way, you’re in charge of your response.

Look, it’s natural to seek approval. And I’m not suggesting you flip the switch to “take me or leave me” all the time. 

But this is your one and only life. You decide what’s important to you. And you figure out how to manage your time and other resources.

You can’t please everyone all the time, anyway. So, focus on serving yourself first. “Their” response is their own business.

Andrea x

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